It’s just unsettling eating so little food. The contrast between what my mind thinks I should eat versus what my stomach actually wants to receive is so dramatic. It makes me sort of nervous. I’ve spent so much time over this past year hearing about “lift big, eat big,” and how I need to fuel my performance and how my body will be upset if I don’t eat enough.
I imagine that from the outside, it might even resemble disordered eating. A grown-ass mama like me sitting down to eat a small muffin and an orange, and winds up giving away a quarter of the orange to her daughter. Tries to eat 1 measly burger patty, leaves 2 bites on the plate. Eats 2 tablespoons of nuts and says she is full. (I was so damn happy I was able to eat all 3 of my pancakes with fruit topping at dinner tonight.)
But from the inside, it’s the opposite. I am always waiting to hear my body ask for food. The moment I hear the message, I drop whatever I’m doing and sit down and feed myself exactly whatever I was wanting. And I just stop when I receive the message that my stomach is getting a bit full. It’s not disordered. It’s actually compassionate. It’s loving. I’m really coming to like it.
I just didn’t expect to find out that my stomach wants so little food. It makes me feel sort of odd to think about all the times when I’ve stuffed 4 or 5 times that amount of food into my stomach. Or even way way way more - hello, Fogo de Chao. How did I learn to treat myself that way? When did I learn to completely pay no attention to what my body was trying to tell me?
Maybe I’ll never know. The good news there is, in yoga, we don’t really worry too much about the roots of any particular behavior. Whatever it may be, we simply observe it and gently deconstruct it through the usual tools of breath, attention, non-judgement, compassion. Whatever it is, we simply re-train the body and mind to better behaviors.
But then I find myself thinking, what will I do at Thanksgiving dinner?
@queenbliss invited me to join her in No Weigh May. She could see that I’m mentally all over the place. And it’s true. I don’t want to gain weight! But I also don’t want to go backwards and have to start logging and counting and all that stuff again. I am not even sure I could. My mind just shrinks away from it whenever I try to think about it.
So I am doing No Weigh May. Progress pics and measurements coming on Tuesday.
But I’m also doing something else. Yoga teaches us that when discomfort arises, the solution is to turn toward it and look deeper into it. My discomfort is all around food. There is some sort of problem there which I can’t really identify so far. So what is the yoga? Look deeper into it. Normally when I eat, I also read a book or goof off on the internet. This is a way of detaching from the situation, isn’t it? As I read, I’m escaping from the reality of my situation, sitting and eating at the table. Same with snacking. I grab food, I stuff it in my pie-hole, I don’t think about what I am doing or feeling. So for the month of May, I will practice mindful eating. I will not read or surf or watch TV or even stand while I eat. I will just eat. I will sit down, with my food on a plate, and just eat it. While I eat, I’ll just try to relax and pay attention to how my body feels, whether I am still hungry or perhaps getting a bit full, or whatever might be happening.
Mindful eating is my least favorite mindfulness practice. When we were doing yoga teacher training, they had us do mindful eating. I seriously shirked it completely. I don’t like it! It’s boring! Waaaaaahhhh. Clearly, this total discomfort is a pretty good sign that this is a fruitful direction for study. But I am expecting to encounter some not-very-fun moments.
I had an epically great day yesterday. I feel sort of funny being so happy about it, since Boston is really… horrible, and raw, and genuine, and dreadful. I remember the first time they tried to bomb the Towers, and of course the second time, when they succeeded. And Oklahoma City. And now Boston. How awful.
But okay. Here’s my ray of sunshine at an otherwise gloomy moment. I taught a yoga class yesterday morning at my home studio! And then I had a client who is the owner of a local business. I rocked his world and I believe he will be a good source of future bookings, referrals, and perhaps I might be able to teach a class at his location. So it was a very good day for me. I am beginning to feel that it’s truly possible that I might become a self-employed wage earner. I might actually be able to succeed at this life.
My dad laughed at me because I admitted that the reason I got out from behind the fear barrier and tried to really make my business happen was because my husband announced that if I wasn’t going to use those 2 rooms, well, he would. And I can’t stand the idea of his HeroClix stuff taking up any more rooms. Come on, man. You already have 2 whole rooms in the basement! LOL married life.
I posted on Facebook today that my professional website is up. And it is, in fact, up — Open Palm Wellness, click on over, check out my yoga swag. But it made me feel really vulnerable to know that people who are acquainted with me IRL can go to my site and see what I want, what my ambition is. OTOH if I’ve learned anything, I have learned that if you want something, you do have to ask for it. And I want a successful home practice! So here I am, asking for it out loud.
April is Crossfit Apreciation Month at Open Palm Wellness; Crossfitters get 50% off 60- and 90-minute treatments in honor of the 2013 Open. And of course I offer a military discount all year round. Because, y’know, knifehands might come to see me someday.
I stole this from Kathryn Budig’s Facebook page.
But OMG PEEPS DOING HOT YOGA!!!
I am CRYING
#namaste #yoga #asana #practice #stretch #breathe @danielceee and another one #yogafreaks #dungeon - @billyt62000- #webstagram
Woke up this morning with a little bit of a sore throat… my damn husband has given me his cold. Let’s see how it works out. I’m gonna take it easy this morning. Instead of the intense ladder of snatches I had in mind, I think I’ll do a detox-y bunch of yoga. Supported inversions and deep twists, juicy stuff like that. I have an appointment to get my hair cut and then a visit to my son’s psychiatrist, so the whole day will be pretty relaxing in general. Maybe I will live it up with a green smoothie for lunch. Dr. “Super Immunity” Fuhrman would want me to consume a huge bolus of pureed veggies. He would say it’s the best thing for what ails me! I guess it’s n=1 time, folks.
Another view of dragonfly. Arm balances are not my forte, so it’s always thrilling and exhausting to play with a new one!
Go, vivia!! This pose is a big goal of mine for this year! Can’t quite stick it just yet. Thanks for the inspiration!
The 3 Aums from P90X YogaX looped 3 times. Calm your breath. Relax your mind.
Ah hahahhaha!!! I am so happy to have this clip! I always cracked up during this part of P90X Yoga X, because of the nutty nutty nuttiness of Tony Horton. I mean, I love me some OMs. But Tony does OM like he does everything else: with totally intense commitment. Those are some wacky OMs he is dishing out. Gets me laughing every time.
When you plant seeds in the garden, you don’t dig them up every day to see if they have sprouted yet. You simply water them and clear away the weeds; you know that the seeds will grow in time. Similarly, just do your daily practice and cultivate a kind heart. Abandon impatience and instead be content creating the causes for goodness; the results will come when they’re ready.
— Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron (via work-hard-no-excuses)
Man, I really needed to hear this today. Thank you!!
I was called out on my first set of squats at 115#
Two dudes came up and were all, “you’re leaning way forward.”
Not the first time I’ve heard it.
One guy was like, “do quarter squats or half squats….don’t go so deep” Nope.
HELP ME: I don’t know how to fix this???
Squatting is a particular thing we work on a LOT in yoga. So here is what I know about maintaining good alignment in squatting.
The reason to maintain good alignment is basically so you do not damage your knees. If you are leaning forward, you’re bringing weight into the front plane of the body, rather than keeping it back where the glutes can handle it. You want to keep the weight back, and you want to keep your shins as close to upright as possible.
The simplest way to practice this posture is with a yoga block. (Or maybe a nice fat telephone book.) Stand upright with feet close together and parallel. Place the block between your thighs. (The narrow set-up is fine. Unless you have a HUGH thigh gap.) Squeeze your thighs firmly into the block. Those inner thigh muscles are your stabilizers and they are the secret unsung heroes of your squat. Your knees are naturally pointing straight forward over your middle toe and you want them to stay there.
Now, begin to sit back as if you had a nice comfy chair behind you. Don’t lean forward too much if you can avoid it. Draw your navel in toward your spine and draw your tailbone down toward the floor. This action supports the midsection and torso as you sink down. You should be able to get to where your thighs are parallel to the ground, or below. (It may be quite uncomfortable. LOL sorry.) Do not stop squeezing the block.
As you enjoy this, you can refine it further by working to lift the chest up and draw the head back a bit. You will have to draw your navel in quite firmly.
I know killfatme recommended that a good way to practice good squat alignment is by doing goblet squats. I would definitely concur.
Obviously as you move back to squatting with the bar, you will not use the block! But you should continue to act as if the block were still there, firmly squeezing the thighs toward each other isometrically. The thighs should not move inward too much, since that would mess up your knee alignment. Rather, you just want your inner thighs to wake up and do their job of protecting and stabilizing you.
So, the principles to keep in your mind are these:
1. Thighs firmly activate toward each other
2. Knees pointing forward over the middle toe
3. Navel in, tailbone down
I hope this helps you!
I got all set up to do some yoga and I thought for a change I might like to watch some tv or a movie while I did it. And what turned out to be the DVD from Netflix? Soul Surfer. You know, that movie about that surfer girl who lost her LEFT ARM to a shark attack? I mean, I can’t make this stuff up. So I watched it and it was lovely. Yoga was good, too. I had planned to just do a whole wad of restorative mat-flopping but my body had other plans and it was very nice. When I laid down for Shivasana, I could feel the energy flowing to my hand and it was beautiful.
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