Thursday Morning Weigh In
Scale said 142.5. Is that the same as last week? Waist was 29”, same as last week. sadsajl;kfsad;ljkfsad;ljfsadj;kl
I don’t know how to feel or think about it. I’m trying to be patient and give keto a chance to work. I just don’t know.
And also, I’ve heard/read that it’s not uncommon for people to lose lots of weight, and then regain a bit before they settle down to maintenance.
But does that mean I’m stuck with these 8 extra pounds? Can I ever hope to drop them? Is that even something I should give a shit about, or should I let it go and focus on other training goals completely?
Is this a moment when I am accepting a false limitation on myself, one that arises out of fear or some other obstacle in my mind? Or is this a chance for me to come to harmony with myself? Is it my obligation to try harder? Or is it right for me to try to calm down now? I just do not know.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
Thursday Morning Weigh-In
143.5, waist measurement 29. I can’t even. I don’t even know how to feel. The waist is smaller, the weight is up 2.5 lbs.
But I have stuff to do and I can’t wallow on this too long right now. Action plan:
1. Stop snacking between meals. That seems to be a huge problem for me.
2. Buy some ketostix and find out for real if I’m really in keto or just enjoying a fantasy.
Oh damn it all. Why does this have to be so hard? It was so easy way back when I started. In the Stone Age, you know.
Food Accountability Post/Friday Morning Weigh In
Back up again to 142.5. That’s a gain of either 1 or 1.5 lbs, I forget which. I can’t deny the truth: I am both frustrated and a bit frightened. But okay. Breath it out, breath it out, breath it out, and then let’s focus on what to do next.
It seems clear that something I have been seeing out of the corner of my eye all along is now moving to center stage: eating Paleo, even very strictly, is not a miracle weight-loss behavior. I need to make use of some of the behaviors that enabled me to lose quite a good bit of weight before I ever heard of Gary Taubes or Loren Cordain.
The added wrinkle is, of course, that I don’t want to move backward emotionally or encourage any form of disordered eating in myself. It’s all for nothing if I wind up spending the next decade meticulously counting macros, isn’t it? I want to expand my freedom, not decrease it. So I really want to figure out how to handle this situation without adding back behaviors I’m trying to get rid of.
So, where to start? Well, I would do what I have done in the past: just take a look at the records and try to identify an obvious area that could be improved. And indeed, when we look at the past week’s posts, something does pop out: desserts. So that will be my focus this week. I will try to reduce desserts on most days, and perhaps even eliminate desserts on some days. One thing that could help with this is to get back over to Capital Tea and restock my supply of Roast Almond tea. It makes a great dessert substitute.
The other thing I think I want to work on this week is developing a kale chip recipe which is less calorie-intensive. I mean, it’s not a bad recipe overall. But it could be better. I also want to develop a carrot chip recipe. The onion ones worked out so nicely; I bet carrots would be good too. If I can get the kale and carrot chips working better, maybe I can also reduce the amount of nuts being consumed.
So okay. There we are. Something to reduce and something to create. Alrighty. I have my marching orders. And now, the food. Today is a work day so I have to pack the food in advance. Happy to say, I have a full slate of clients today! Hooray, cash money.
Breakfast: chicken stir-fry.
Lunch: a sausage mixed up with the last wee bit of chili. Time to make more!
Dinner: Last of the chicken stir-fry. Delicious.
Snacks: 1/2 c. nut mix. Fresh pineapple. And some kale chips when I got home at 8:30 at night.
Notes: I had no energy today. This may have been related to the severe abuse my yoga teacher doled out in class. But that, combined with the rash of accidental self-injury and mental chaos, is sending me to get an acupuncture treatment tomorrow. I need to get my energy straightened out.
Grade: A. Today was good.
Also, I realized I do have one other thing I can do this week: I can bring back IF. So I think I’ll do that a few days this coming week, probably starting tomorrow morning.
Monday Morning Weigh In
Down a mere .5 lbs to 139. It’s nice to see the numbers move down, but that ain’t much. Also, I am ravenous again today despite not a lot of activity. I don’t know what is up with my body! So weird.
I just find myself wanting anything sweet. Not just the stevia chocolate. Dates, raisins, figs. Anything! No wonder I’ve gained a few pounds, huh?
Monday Morning Weigh In
Alas, up another 2 lbs to 139.5. That’s really not acceptable to me at all. Also, this weight-gaining trend has been going on for more than a month now. I can’t pretend anymore that it’s just shark week, or just a wee bit of swole-ness from working out, or whatever. I’m really gaining weight. SIGH.
So, okay. I will start logging my food again on MFP. I had hoped to be done with that nonsense, but apparently some part of me is not yet ready for total freedom.
I’m sad about this development. But I guess I’m also pretty sanguine. Reversals on the road to successful maintenance are supposedly pretty common. I’m not a special snowflake made of rainbow unicorn sweat, so I suppose it is normal for me to run into some trouble along the way. Back to the drawing board.
Monday Morning Weigh In
Looks like up .5 pound, to 137.5. Whatever. My slimmest jeans are a wee bit too tight to comfortably wear around all day… I’m a bit sad about that. But I am trying to just remind myself that it’s water/glycogen/inflammation from my super-fun program of kettlebell madness and is nothing to worry about. It’s not the beginning of gaining back all my weight. No! It’s just the visible sign of my awesomeness increasing. Yeah. That is what I will say. Those 3.5 extra pounds are made up all the extra awesomeness. They don’t have anything to do with the massive sweet tooth I’ve had lately. No raisin is safe from me, I swear.
Feeling like I fail at this whole weight loss and fitness thing today.
First reason: I had a fantastic morning, and a great workout at the gym. Felt so good about it……and then I had an epic binge this afternoon. Pretty much cancelled out my workout, and then some.
Second reason: I am getting married in 11 days. I havent lost an ounce since July. Inches havent moved since first of September. I am nowhere near where I wanted to be by this time…..and I am really disappointed with myself over it.
I fail. Its really hitting me hard right now :(
Had to reblog to really answer this.
You are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself, sweetie! No wonder you are binging. It is too much all at once.
The bottom line is: you’re getting married. Fat, thin, or in between, you will be in your honey’s arms as a wife at long last, and the stress will be dissolved. The odds are pretty good at this point that you’ll be a bit on the fat side on your wedding day. (I sure as hell was myself.) And you know what? That is completely UNIMPORTANT. Because that day is really not about your thighs. It’s about the love you share with your honey. And you will be a beautiful bride, memorably beautiful, and your husband will get all choked up when he sees you, and everyone will weep at the happiness of the moment and it will be a wonderful day. All these things will happen regardless of what size underwear you are sporting. So let go of that disappointment and negative emotion and prepare yourself to have a sweet, delicious, loving and exquisite wedding day even though you will probably not be thin that day. And, I pray, a long and happy marriage, fat or thin. (I was pretty damn fat for about 16 of my 20 years of marriage so far.)
And also, you are not failing. Okay, maybe you are not succeeding very quickly. I can go that far. But you are not failing as long as you keep on trying, kiddo. I have been at it for six years, okay? And I still have plenty of work to do, honestly. It’s just not a fast thing. I know we see people around here all the time who shed 257 pounds in 9 months or whatever. But in my life, at least, it’s been like, a pound a month. So just ease off the pressure. If you really want to lose weight - which is not at all necessary to be happy, btw - then I know you will do it. But just relax and enjoy your wedding!
Painful Honesty Reveals Your Stuff
I’m going to comment on this post. But before I add anything I will just say, wow, it is amazing when somebody has the courage to vomit it all out on the page like that. It’s not easy to do it. So intense.
But okay, on to the critique portion of this reblog. Read the post below, and while you read it, try to identify the false, self-limiting thought-forms which are trapping this poor lady.
There was this girl at crossfit yesterday who annoyed me. A lot. God, even thinking about her now annoys me so much. She was useless. And fat. And she couldn’t even do one skipping double under, out of the 200 that was expected. The 200 that everyone else could do. Including the new people.
And then on her last round she cried. So weak. Everyone had finished, and everyone was watching. And she broke down and cried. She didn’t want to finish. She couldn’t do any, and she knew how terrible, fat, useless she was, and so she cried. And cried. I suppose she didn’t know what else to do.
Eventually she finished and headed for the last part of the workout; the run. And a lonely run she ran. Still crying, of course. And it was on that run she felt her bad day consume her being. And she thought of the mean comments, the emails, the words she had read that day. And she kept crying. And crying.
And then she slowed to a walk and with people on the street blatantly seeing her red eyes and mascara stained cheeks, she felt like she was faking her life. Like she didn’t deserve anything. She didn’t earn anything. That she was a sh*tty writer/blogger, a lazy person, a fat, weak, slow, unfit person, that she had no career, money, or plan. That she had failed, at whatever it was she was doing.
—-
I cried all the way home yesterday. On the tram. On my walk. And then in the shower. And I felt the embarrassment sting hard from crossfit. And yesterday’s comments… they were mean, and it’s hard not to read them, especially when they came in over and over again and were confirming something I often wondered. I deleted nearly 150. 150 people who had taken the time to wear me down. And they did.
And it’s easy to say don’t let it get to you. Turn the other cheek. It means nothing… But it did. Yesterday was a hard day, but despite still feeling my puffy face sting, today is a new day, with a new start, and so I trudge on.
The thing that fairly springs to the eye is the association between being fat and being lazy, worthless or incompetent. This is a textbook example of internalized fat bigotry. It’s a completely false idea, one that is painfully self-damaging. It is just not true!! Physical strength and competence are often associated with leanness. But I can give you 4 outstanding examples just off the top of my head: Sarah Robles, Holly Mangold, Brian Shaw, Zydrunas Savickas. Those are are some seriously chunky athletes. Man, I ought to do a whole post just about fat athletes. That’d be some fun. Anyway… fat is not what is impeding you, honey. Forgive yourself for being fat!
I know I’m beating it to death a little bit but it can be good to just say it all out loud. So let me just go all the way. Your fatness (which, btw, I’ve seen your pics and you look totally cute to me) is just not the real issue. Your fatness has nothing to do with your career, your money, or your plan. Your fatness has very, very little to do with your abilities as a Crossfitter. Also your fat is not keeping you from being beautiful, or from being beloved and desired. Obviously it did not keep you from getting to Australia like a boss. Your fat is not keeping you from… riding in a hot air balloon, or on horseback… or going hiking, or balancing your checkbook, or climbing the bridge in Sydney Harbor… it is not keeping you from enjoying a facial, or going canoeing, or learning to salsa. Pretty much the only thing your fatness may be doing is making shopping for clothing an inconvenient experience, and possibly making it challenging to cross your legs.
So please. Let go of this horrible and completely false idea. Forgive yourself!! And I apologize for doing this all out in public, but I’m pretty sure there are a few people out there who could learn something from it.
HA BUT I AM NOT EVEN DONE!!! There’s one more really self-limiting idea in that post: the part where you “trudge on.” Heck no, you are not trudging on. You are a beautiful, strong, talented young lady in the prime of life who is living the dream in lovely Australia. There is no trudging in that picture! Okay, sure, you had a seriously shitty day. But please don’t let this bad idea colonize your mind, this idea that you are struggling onward. Heck no. You’re not trudging onward. You are… swimming the English Channel or hiking the Rockies. You are forging deeper into the Outback on your own personal walkabout. You are surfing some huge, gnarly waves. (That one is my own favorite. I use it a lot.) You are free-climbing Half Dome like that crazy man Honnold! My point is, do not allow yourself to imagine your life in a negative, sad way. That just drags you down mentally. You can apply any mental metaphor you want to your life, so make it a nice one. I am speaking from personal experience here. I realize it seems like I’m making a big deal out of a simple word choice, but I’m telling you: working on this issue made a huge difference in my life.
Ooooookay. Well, I have chased you around enough for one day, huh? I love your posts and I’m following your progress with great interest. I hope this helps you and gives you something to chew on. Also I meant what I said: you’re gorgeous and completely fabulous, so just brush off the haters. They aren’t even worthy of you.
When I see people lose the same amount of weight as me in less than half the time.
I just want to slam my face in my carpet and roll around a bit.
Anyone else?
I do get frustrated over that sometimes. I’ve never been able to lose weight fast. But I just tell myself that losing the weight is not even half the battle. I’ve been losing weight since 2006, but the pounds I dropped stayed off. Keeping the weight off - that’s the true battlefield. So don’t worry about the overall speed. My plan is to be able to stay slim for the rest of my life. “The rest of my life” is a long time even for an oldster like me, so I try to let go of rushing and hurrying.
Much Woe and Gnashing of Teeth
The tiny little blade of my meat grinder has vanished. So I could not grind up my beef for chili or my pork for sausage today!! I ordered a couple of replacement blades but they won’t arrive for several days. BOOOO. And also I severely overcooked a piece of roast beef. SO ANNOYING.
But on the positive side, there’s a good spicy fish curry on the stove. And fresh peaches. And also honeycrisp apples appeared at the Farmer’s Market. The year is turning, people! Enjoy your last peaches and melons and figs while you can because it’s almost time for pumpkins and squash and root vegetables again.
Monday Morning Weigh In
I hopped on the scale bright and early today: 134 again. No gain! A good feeling. So here’s what I’ve been doing differently the last couple weeks:
1. Very few nuts. I’ve really tried hard to cut down. I heard some random remarks from various fitness gurus around here about how nuts can be a progress-killer and I didn’t want to believe it because I frickin’ love nuts. But the evidence suggests that this is a good course of action for me. So I will keep on that path for a while and see what happens.
2. Tried not to eat a ton of carbs on Sunday. That’s a tough one for me since Sundays are usually a long workday for me and I like to fuel up on yummy stuff like fresh fruit and roasted sweet potato then. Also, I typically have to eat in 5 or 10 minute snatches. But the last couple weeks I tried to think a bit more creatively and packed myself some stuff like hard-boiled eggs, artisanal salumi, fresh coconut and whatnot.
That’s all I’ve done aside from my usual things, P90X, yoga, etc. I think I’m gonna hit up that Bikram joint again this week too, since my usual nutty teacher is out of town. Might as well get my sweat on.
After I posted a few days ago about how I plan to end the active phase of my WLJ at the end of this year, I felt my mental energy fall a bit. I wanted to just end it now and just stop with the logging and the counting and all this stuff right now. But I decided to stick it out. I want to show myself (again) that I have what it takes to keep on working like a boss right up to the bell. I deserve nothing less than a completely full-hearted effort, and that is what I will give myself. After all, that is the yoga, isn’t it? When the situation becomes a bit uncomfortable, are you able to stay present and focused even though your whole mind and body both want to flee?
Fit For Life: Self-Sabotage Advice? →
So I’ve been close to my goal weight two times now. Once I was 8 pounds away and more recently I was 9 pounds away. My CW is hovering around 195-200 again. I’m not going to cry about it because it’s totally my fault.
However, what I want to avoid happening again is what happened the last 2 times. I get so close and then completely fall of the rails. I don’t work out as hard or at all and my eating is abysmal.
Has anyone else had this problem? It’s completely self-sabotage but I just don’t know why I let it happen twice.
Note: Goal weight is 180 but that is just a benchmark, if I can be healthy and happy at 185 or 175 (or any weight) then that is fine for me. I just need something to aim for.
It’s pretty excellent that you even realize that it is self-sabotage. You need to look deeply into your own thinking. Here are some questions you might ask yourself:
What do I imagine will happen when I reach my goal weight?
How will people treat me when I reach my goal weight?
How will my life change when I reach my goal weight?
What will I focus my attention on when I’m not trying to lose weight anymore?
How will I eat when I reach my goal weight?
Is there anything that I haven’t been doing because I didn’t lose weight? If I reach my goal weight, does that mean I’ll have to do those things?
How do I reward myself for doing something good?
How do I relax? What do I do when I am “taking it easy” or “on vacation” or otherwise giving myself a break?
These are just a few questions but I bet there’s some good material in there for you. Deeply question your own unconscious ideas about weight loss. You’ll find the problem. Good luck!
The Grind →
The Grind is that time in your physique transformation where you just put your head down and grind it out.
It’s often the time between the initial fast “newbie” results and the final results. Changes are occurring in your body, but you may not see them from week to week.
Mentally, The Grind is also where some of that new program and new diet enthusiasm wears off and it all becomes routine, even boring. There’s nothing left to do or say really; you just work the plan, day to day to day.
But toward the end of The Grind, what’ll happen is that you’ll glance back at your “befores” and realize you’ve made some major changes. Other people will begin to notice. And that positive feedback will reignite the enthusiasm. And that will cause you to kick the training up a notch, leading to more results.
I think The Grind applies to life in general too, not just to losing fat and gaining muscle. There are simply times when we have to put aside all distractions (even the good ones), put our heads down, grit our teeth, and grind it out. At the end of The Grind lies an achievement, something great, or some reward or pay-off. But The Grind always comes first.
Thing is, most people won’t make this sacrifice; they won’t even begin The Grind, much less finish it. And that’s why most people don’t succeed. The Grind is often what separates the great from the average.
It’s as simple as that sometimes.
-Erik Ledin
This…
because i need to remind myself of this yet again
I think this amazing post includes a couple of magical ideas.
The first is that old AA slogan: it works if you work it. Whatever your program, you really have to stay on it for it to work. Whether you’re a Wendler fan or a Rippetoe disciple, whether you rock Paleo or 30 Bananas, you have to stay on your program for it to work. You have to Grind It Out. You have to get on your mat yet another day and do another 15 Down Dogs. There’s simply no substitute for actually doing the work. And yeah. It can be boring or uninspiring or even painful. But you already did your research; you already made your decisions based on the best information you could dig up; you already made your choice. So grind it out.
But in order to be able to do that, you need something slightly more ineffable: you need faith in the process. You have to surrender your own stubborn willfulness a little bit and give in to the nature of the process you have chosen. Today, for example, I did my allotted segment of P90X, which was Kenpo X. Now, I happen to feel that Kenpo X is a hilariously stupid workout and I wanted nothing more than to skip it and just do some yoga instead. But I chose to have faith in the process, faith in the thousands of other P90X users who got good results, even faith in crazy Tony Horton. And I did that Kenpo X and I tried my best to work hard and turn in a good effort. I have faith in the process.
Because once you’re already whooshing down the water-slide, that is no time to say, hey, I don’t know if I want to do this. You’re already sliding! Lean into the turns and ride that puppy all the way down!
You chose the path. You did. So honor yourself and have faith in yourself and stay on your path. Grind It Out!
My Plateau, Let Me Show You It
how long have you been on the plateau?
I’ve been stuck for about 3 months now. I’ve increased my calorie intake substantially over the past 6 weeks or so without any real change until last week I gained a pound. I thought that might be a sign that my body was ready for some action, so I reduced my intake slightly to see what would happen, but then of course nothing happened. So, yeah, plateau city for sure. Stuck like glue.
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